Parshas Acharei Mos-Kedoshim, 5785

“Do not take revenge and do not bear a grudge….” (Vayikra 19:18)

If you examine the mitzvos bein adam l’chaveiro in the beginning of parshas Kedoshim, you’ll notice that almost all of them are mitzvos lo saaseh — negative commandments.

A non-Jew once approached Hillel (Shabbos 31a) and requested that he convert him, on the stipulation that Hillel teach him the entire Torah while he stood on one foot. Hillel responded, “What’s distasteful to you, don’t do to others. That’s the entire Torah.”

Western culture has a Golden Rule: “Do unto others as you would have them do unto you.”

L’havdil, Hillel expressed it in the negative: “Don’t do unto others that which you wouldn’t want done to you.” Why did Hillel choose this passive approach? (Rabbi Shlomo Caplan, Mishulchan Shlomo)

Inseeking a doctor, I often give more weight to professionalism and a pleasant personality than a lot of fancy diplomas covering an office wall. We’ve all met the diploma type of doctor, the one who peers at you over her reading half-glasses and says in a snooty voice, “You must be mistaken about how many hours you’re exercising as your weight doesn’t reflect that.” Ouch.

I once had a doctor for a complicated pregnancy who thought he was higher than G-d. Total chip on his shoulder. I felt vindicated 30 seconds after I gave birth, when my baby got him dirty.

Hillel’s concept demonstrates that the core of our relationship with our fellow Jews is the things we don’t do to each other.

In any relationship, we must ensure that the other party suffers no pain or loss on our account. This is far more important than any chesed we can perform for him.

This principle is the most important part of all bein adam l’chaveiro, yet it’s also the most disregarded part. People tend to pay much more attention to what they can do for another than to what they shouldn’t do. When people do chesed, they feel like a “nice guy.” This gives them a sense of satisfaction, recognition, and approval. They may not perceive this as their motivation, but it has a subconscious effect.

Thankfully, there are plenty of good doctors around to help. So based on my criteria for choices, Dr. Rosenberg* seemed like a perfect fit. She was pleasant and professional, albeit a bit particular about rules and regulations, but I could handle that. Her office was far, plus there was zero parking, but pleasant and professional outrank that in priorities. I’d been seeing her for years.