After all I've learned about red flags,please remind me why I would want to get married
Two years ago I went off to seminary, bright-eyed and bushy-tailed, eager to absorb the wisdom of my teachers and mechanchos. I loved my school, I adored Eretz Yisrael, and I took it all in hungrily. The hashkafah classes were amazing, and I particularly loved the lessons about building a Torahdig home. It was uplifting and inspiring… until it wasn’t. After Pesach, our teachers began giving Toras Habayis classes about marriage, relationships, and child-rearing, etc. They let us know that it was important to be realistic and not to think that marriage was all peaches and cream. They drilled into us that marriage is hard work and a real laboratory for working on our middos. And finally, they went through the potential dangers of marriage, spending a lot of time on red flags and warning signs.
I really appreciated their concern, but honestly, they completely freaked me out. By the time I came home, I was dreading marriage and terrified to date. Two years have passed since then and while many friends have gone on to marry happily (as far as I know), several have also suffered broken engagements, and there have even been two divorces from my seminary class. I’m afraid to date. And I’m even more afraid to get married.
Please remind me why I would want to get married. And please share any advice you might have for pushing past the fear.
Scared of Marriage
Thank you for this question. I appreciate hearing this perspective, as will many mechanchos and teachers. Whenever the pendulum swings too far, we need forces, such as this letter, to bring us back to the center.
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