“Should Women Be Schmoozing about Their Shalom Bayis?” 

You asked

I’m in my mid-twenties, married with two little children. I’m part of a small, close chevreh of women in my neighborhood, all more or less at the same stage in life, and we support one another in a really nice way.

We very often get together, sometimes just two or three of us, sometimes more, to take the kids to the park or an indoor play center in the afternoons, and then the mommies sit and schmooze. A lot.

We’ll start with supper ideas, move onto sales, then it might veer into teething and toilet training. But then it turns into more personal things, topics I feel friends shouldn’t be schmoozing about. I have no problem talking about concepts: shalom bayis, chinuch — these feel okay to me as ideas. But when my friends begin talking about their personal shalom bayis, it feels uncomfortable. Shouldn’t this be kept private?

One time I brought up the idea of oversharing, but I was shot down. I was honest and said that schmoozing about such a personal subject didn’t feel right to me — it felt like a breach of tzniyus. Some of my friends nodded and shifted uncomfortably, saying they agreed, but mumbled that “this is what we do,” and “it’s just between us….” Others disagreed. One even said that it was important we had each other, and if we can’t be open with close friends, then what kind of relationship did we have?