Showing Up

“The word ‘vulnerability’ is often misunderstood,” observes Julie, who runs a private coaching practice out of Chicago, Illinois and is the cofounder, along with her husband, Rabbi Yitzchak Lurie, of the Connections Marriage Institute. The Institute, endorsed by Rav Shumel Fuerst shlita and  the late Harav Gedlaya Schwartz, offers international teleconference marriage seminars, premarital education, and training programs for coaches and kallah teachers.

When Julie trains relationship coaches, she asks them to define vulnerability. Their responses are often similar to the dictionary’s definition: (noun) putting yourself in the face of danger, exposing yourself to risk both physically and emotionally.

“Yet that’s not accurate,” says Julie. “What I learned from vulnerability researcher and author Brené Brown is that vulnerability isn’t a state of being. It’s a verb — an action. It’s the practice of showing up and allowing yourself to be seen. To expose your heart, to admit and talk about your feelings.”

And that calls for genuine courage. Because to connect emotionally with your husband and be real with him, you must be emotionally honest with yourself and tuned into your emotional needs.