“We all want to make it to the Promised Land — ideally in a minivan. But guess what? Hashem decides which vehicle I drive. I might just have to show up on a motorcycle.”
It was a typical Shabbos table. Amid flecks of spilled grape juice and apple crumble a lively discussion erupted. Cogently and articulately Rachel Avigdor Burnham — then a 29-year-old single woman living in Flatbush — shared her take.
A fellow tablemate snorted. “When you have a ring on your finger we’ll hear what you have to say,” he said. Rachel felt the blood rush from her face. She grabbed a dessert plate and stumbled into the kitchen.
“Had it been an isolated incident the remark of a crazy person it wouldn’t have hurt,” she says. “But it reflected vibes I’d felt all along. I wasn’t married so I wasn’t legitimate. I was single so something was wrong with me.”
Rachel — an occupational therapist dating coach wig stylist general powerhouse and now a happy sleep-deprived mom — dated for 14 years before meeting her husband. She says the emotional drain of extended singlehood was exacerbated by the way community members viewed her. Though she was deeply involved in kiruv and chesed, she was frequently passed over for more executive roles. Her opinion was met with bemusement.
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