When your marriage seems stale don’t look outside — focus inward
How does a young person envision the spouse of his or her dreams? Of course it varies from person to person but there are some pretty standard fantasies: the spouse will be attractive caring supportive understanding. The spouse will be calm compassionate and appreciative. The spouse will provide a safe harbor; be a constant source of warmth in a chilly challenging world. Most importantly the spouse will offer true love.
Young people in other words think of the feelings that a life partner will engender. In the presence of this attractive caring supportive understanding calm compassionate appreciative protective loving person the young dreamer sees him or herself feeling wonderful: loved safe appreciated cared for understood and more.
The dreamer tends to ignore the practical sides of domestic union — no one fantasizes about dirty floors bills bedtime and the like. In fact the dreamer may not even realize that this is the stuff that marriage is made of. Interestingly the young dreamer still lurks within those who have been married for many years. In fact it is this inner persona who so often wreaks havoc in marriage.
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