Here are some practical ways to overcome those despairing “I’ll never achieve my goal” moments and other hurdles as we work toward self-improvement.
T he path to success is rarely straightforward. It’s usually littered with false starts (“Okay I’ll start my diet after this simchah”) and setbacks (you committed to eating fruit for dessert but helped yourself to cake instead) and sometimes total disaster (you ate a pint of ice cream after a stressful conversation).
Whether we’re trying to conquer our anger get out of debt guard our tongues or become less attached to our phones failure is part of the natural process toward growth. Yet we often forget that. When we slip up and scream at our kids yet again or speak lashon hara for the umpteenth time we sink into that hopeless “Why do I even bother trying?” state. And therein lies the first obstacle in achieving our goals: despair.
“Some people have trouble acknowledging their despair. They feel guilty for being discouraged — they pressure themselves thinking ‘I shouldn’t feel this way ’ ” says Sherry Zimmerman a therapist dating coach and mentor. “But it’s perfectly normal to feel despair sometimes. It’s only a problem if we lose our bitachon if we become dysfunctional because we believe that the situation is truly hopeless.”
According to Lakewood social worker Jodie Touboul “You can give yourself permission to have a pity party for ten minutes a day. But then you need to pull yourself out of it.” She teaches her clients to separate feelings from facts: “Staying stuck in misery can become self-validating. We get confused and think ‘If it feels hopeless and miserable then it is hopeless and miserable.’ But emotions aren’t facts — they’re changeable. Just because a problem feels hopeless doesn’t mean it is.
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