Rachel’s mother-in-law asked her son (the new chassan) to do an errand for her just two days after the wedding. Twelve years later Rachel still refers to the incident whenever she perceives similar insensitivities occurring. The pain is surprisingly fresh.
Mendel’s wife “abused” her cell phone privileges badly accumulating a bill that took them half a year to pay. Although it happened seven years ago and never reoccurred Mendel still mentions it regularly
Chaya cut her little sister’s hair — pretty well all of it — when she was six and Shevy was three. Although Chaya is now fifteen she is still routinely reminded about her faux pas especially when guests and relatives are visiting. What was once a humorous family anecdote has become a tiresome and irritating tale from her point of view. She wishes her parents would put it to rest already.
Stuck in the Past
Sometimes it feels like family members don’t want to let each other off the hook. Instead of letting bygones be bygones they drag the past forward into the present where it can serve as a constant reminder of unacceptable behavior. There are three primary reasons why people tend to do this:
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