Stitch by Stitch 

How much can people really change? As children, we’re easily molded, can transform into someone new from one year to the next. But once we hit adulthood, it feels as though we’re set in stone. This is who we are. This is who we always will be.

But is that really true?

There are those we know who have changed, who have looked at their lives and — through hard, internal work — turned them around. It isn’t always easy. It isn’t always perfect. But every tiny change we make creates shockwaves within us, shifting the makeup of who we are.

These are our stories.

Hollows of the Hearth

When I got married, I was only 19. At the time, it felt ancient, when my best friend was already expecting and I had already gone to a dozen classmates’ weddings, but looking back, I was so young. Too young to really navigate the complexities of so many relationships that I had never experienced before.

My kallah teacher had cautioned me about making sure that there was mutual respect in the relationship, that there needed to be a strong base to resolve conflicts when they cropped up.

So I was totally on top of it from the start. I praised my husband when he was helpful, listened to the chiddushim that he brought home from kollel, and was careful to always speak positively about him. I understood how important it was for him to feel honored and confident. And our relationship was stronger because of it.

It was those other relationships that threw me for a loop. Shlomo was the baby, the last one out of the house, and his parents had trouble letting go. He was easygoing, too, quick to cave to their whims.