Thanks

He’s thinks they’re controlling. They may just be clueless

“My in-laws are really nice people and I know they have good intentions. But I really resent them. They do not leave room for ‘no.’ For instance they practically forced us to come with them on a two-week vacation. I never wanted to go but my wife also put pressure on me telling me how great it would be how generous her family is how terrible it would be if we didn’t do it. I felt I had no choice. I went and hated every minute of it. No one in that family can understand why I am so ungrateful and that’s just the point — no one in that family can understand how anyone feels except themselves!”

Interpersonal relationships can never be black or white. We humans are complex and when you put any two of us together that complexity increases exponentially. The only things that are certain are that none of us is perfect and we all make mistakes. Certainly the in-laws in the above example are far from evil people; on the contrary they are obviously loving and kindhearted. However they are lacking in some measure of sensitivity. They somehow come across as too demanding too controlling. This may actually be an innocent error on their part rather than a conscious manipulation.

Middle-aged grandparents may not even realize that a young couple might feel intimidated by them simply due to their age and their status as parents. In some cases the intimidation is augmented by other factors like the children’s financial dependence on them or their social status wealth or lifetime accomplishments. And in some cases the naturally strong personalities (or even just the confidence acquired through maturity) of the older couple may also fuel the power imbalance.