As an avid serial devotee, Gentle Reader, you surely spot the menace in that upbeat sign-off. You do, right?
The bloodless regime change had placed T.F., of Lakewood, New Jersey, in the role of Chief Dictator for Life of the Greater Tristate Area. Her cronies, Anonymous from Monsey and Harried but Hospitable in Hackensack, ascended to the seats of power; they were known to kindergarteners everywhere as “second to the king,” but to actual students of political science as Vice Dictators.
It was only after the last crumbs of the celebratory doughnuts had been dispatched that the freshly minted heads of state sat down with their cabinet to ponder their newfound powers.
Dr. Leah Kirzner, lead data analyst (see On Your Mark, Issue 472 to learn more about how she balances a career in the exact sciences with Yiddishe mamahood and community service), presented first.
“As veteran letter-writers, having emphatic opinions in print qualifies us to solve the world’s problems, which is why we seized control in the first place. So we’ve begun by identifying some exciting trends among our citizens,” she said. “Specifically, there are many opinions that are so widely held as to be universal. If we enact laws that coincide with popular sentiment, we’re much less likely to be overthrown and beheaded.”
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