The Girl That Was: Chapter 10

“Mindy, I want you to know that for the past year I have been davening for Hashem to give you strength and clarity. I didn’t reach out to you until now because I wanted to give you time. I don’t know if it was the right decision or not, but I based it on my own personal experience. My mother died when I was in 9^th grade and I didn’t want anyone to know. I didn’t want to be singled out for anything. I didn’t want to be a girl without a mother. I just wanted to be me.”

My eyes opened wide. Mrs. Schonfeld was sharing something so personal. Mrs. Schonfeld didn’t have a perfect life? And Mrs. Schonfeld’s mother died too? I didn’t know what to say. I was in shock.

But she continued talking.

“I know that your mother’s first yahrtzeit is coming up. And while I’ve been thinking about you, I’ve been remembering what I went through, too. I was sad that a full year went by. It seemed so wrong that life could go on when my mother wasn’t there anymore. I also felt responsible for all my younger siblings. I thought I had to step in to be the mother. But if they didn’t listen to me or got into trouble in school, I felt guilty. Like it was my fault and I should’ve tried harder.

“I also struggled with asking my father for money. My mother had been the main breadwinner and I was always so afraid that maybe I didn’t have the right to buy anything aside from the absolute basics. It was such a difficult, confusing, and painful time for me.