Children experience the joy of Purim. They dress up and eat lots of treats — what could be better? Adults on the other hand may or may not feel the joy of Purim. The creative types may love the opportunity to create — costumes food baskets and Purim feasts. But those not so inclined may experience Purim as a series of stressful tasks. And yet we’re supposed to be happy on this holiday. We’re not supposed to go around moaning about having to sit through Megillah readings having to deal with relatives and seudahpolitics and/or having to deal with the high costs and intense efforts demanded by the festival. If nothing else letting our kids see us “suffering” on Jewish holidays can give them the dangerous idea that living the Torah life is too difficult.
But what if we do find it all too much? Should a parent just “fake it till she makes it”? Is she supposed to put on a good show for her family while she keeps her actual feelings under careful lock and key? Or will her kids be able to see through her ruse — especially when they’re a little older — inadvertently absorbing her true resentment? Can a parent ever really hide?
Authentic Joy
Even if a parent could hide her unhappiness she would undoubtedly prefer to remove it for real. No one wants to be miserable. Moreover when Hashem asks us to rejoice and be happy it is clear that happiness must be a possibility. Otherwise how could it be demanded of us? Hashem who knows us thoroughly knows that we are prone to stress and negativity. In asking us to be joyful He is telling us that we can bring that state about. We just have to learn how.
Brain Science
Neuroscientists are teaching doctors psychiatrists psychologists and everyone else that the principal of “neuroplasticity” allows for rewiring of our brains. Even though we have genes and habitual tendencies and enormous automatic brain processes we can — when we know how to — override all that to create new neural pathways that will lead to new ways of thinking feeling and behaving. We can literally change our minds.
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