This is a cry from the heart, on behalf of so many aveilim who have shared similar experiences
But I am sad to say that aveilus also draws out a certain inadvertent achzarius. Even though those involved are outstanding, well-meaning people, they occasionally express a type of zeal that comes across very poorly. They rationalize their behavior as being worried about “tircha d’tzibbur.” Let me explain.
It all began in shul, the day after I finished shivah, when I arranged to daven from the amud. This is a time when any avel feels vulnerable and somewhat anxious. I had been warned a bit about what to expect, and I am generally a confident person. However, I was completely unprepared for the ensuing experience. What transpired was far worse than what I could have anticipated.
The gabbai approached me to say that members of the kehillah were makpid on exact times for every stage of the tefillos. He handed me a card with a minute-by-minute schedule showing the exact time I was expected to finish each part of the davening. At the time, I actually welcomed this, because it gave me clarity.
On day one, things went reasonably well — although one member of the kehillah suggested that I had delayed two minutes in reaching Yishtabach. I have to say, I was quite surprised at this otherwise amiable person coming up to me like that, a day after the end of shivah. But day two went smoothly, as did day three.
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