He seems happy at home and happy in school — But he’s just so quiet. How to connect with a non-talkative son, ways to foster communication skills, and when to worry about silence
Mom: How was school?
Son: Fine.
Mom: What happened?
Son: Nothing much.
Mom: What did you learn?
Son: Nothing.
T
his is the conversation Miriam has with her 12-year-old son at the end of every school day. “He’ll come home and say the least he can get away with,” Miriam says. “My husband and I wonder how it’s possible that ‘nothing much’ happened at school an entire day.”
Her two older children weren’t this reticent, and while Miriam readily admits that her third was always more reserved, lately there seems to be a pronounced difference. He now seems determined to avoid conversation.
Miriam’s not alone. Many mothers face the challenge of uncommunicative sons, especially teenage ones. Their reaction is often one of concern, as they ask themselves: Was he always this quiet? Is he cutting me out? Is this reticence a cause for concern?
Quiet boys defy cultural expectations of the strong male leader, and when our boys don’t fit the bill, we may grow unnecessarily concerned. “More often than not, this is a temperament,” says Dr. Tammy Fetman, professor of Early Childhood Development at Touro College. “A more quiet child can be perfectly normal and content.”
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