The Rest of the (BT) Story?

e’re not BTs, and we’re definitely not FFBs. We Children of Baalei Teshuvah are a crossbreed of the two, the awkward but lovable offspring of the kiruv movement, albeit without the catchy acronym to identify us. From one COBT to another, I present the Top Ten Moments:

1. Bubby and Zeidy were so excited when you visited them. They found kosher snacks just for you! You felt so loved and cherished; it was so thoughtful of them to go out of their way to buy them for you and your siblings! Until you realized that the snack was OU, a hechsher your family didn’t eat. Thankfully, big brother Tully was there to explain that their kosher snacks just didn’t cut it.
2. It’s fifth grade, and everyone’s counting how many Chanukah parties they went to. You went to a total of one party, the yearly party at Great-Aunt Hannah’s house with the extended non-frum family. Sevivon Sov Sov Sov was sung heartily by all (women included), and latkes were served — though the frummies ate double-wrapped microwaved tater tots. The highlight of the night was when Great-Aunt Hannah lit her modern-art asymmetrical menorah that your brother Tully kept muttering wasn’t even kosher.

3. A random acquaintance wishes you mazel tov on a new baby and says, “Such a beautiful name! Who did you name her after?” Well… let’s see. Should I tell her about Aunt Susan, wicked sudoku player? Sarah Imeinu seems the much safer option.

4. Jewish Geography: “Davidowitz? Are you related to Davidowitz from Chicago?” Yes, in fact, I do have a cousin in Chicago, Andy Davidowitz. He heads the regional Green-Rainbow party. I’m sure you’ve heard of him. He was in the news recently when he was arrested for chaining himself to a tree to protest its imminent chopping. I’m not making this up, folks.

5. Have you ever had to explain the virtues and values in getting married at the age of 20 to a secular person? Let me tell you, that experience is not for the faint of heart. To sum it up, my cousin Zachary still thinks I’m giving up the best years of my life to be a “housewife.”