She Is Never Really Alone…,The comment that echoed from the many women who have spoken to me after reading my last column is, “Finally someone has validated us.” One girl related feeling lumped into an “alien” society when she arrived happily at a simchah and was told, “So nice that you’re here, you don’t often get out.” It is so very tragic that many singles feel that they are an anomaly in an otherwise normal married world. Every limb or organ of our body has a specific function and the same is true for every member of our nation.
The resounding comment that echoed from the many single women who have spoken to me after reading my last column is “Finally someone has validated us.” One girl related feeling lumped into an “alien” society when she arrived happily at a simchah and was told “So nice that you’re here you people don’t often get out.” It is so very tragic is that many singles feel that they are an anomaly in an otherwise normal married world. Every limb or organ of our body has a specific function and the same is true for every member of our nation. One cannot fathom or second-guess the role any person plays in the symmetry of the world.
Let’s look more closely at what is going on in today’s shidduch world and try to understand how we can help to alleviate some of the painful symptoms and side effects of “the shidduch crisis.”
From the moment a girl literally or figuratively “steps off the plane” after her seminary experience the pressure is on! She’s being “seen” and needs to “appear” a certain way. This concept is valid since — along with her tefillos — hishtadlus for a woman does include presenting herself as a favorable marriage candidate in ruchniyus and gashmiyus. However it’s very unfortunate that in our society it seems that the primary maalos that help girls find dates are criteria such as money looks and yichus.
That said based on my experience watching many of my students get married over the years I have learned the following: Girls who possess one or all of the aforementioned “maalos” will have many dates but that is no guarantee at all to getting married. At the same time more than one talmidah has cried to me that she is afraid that “no one will marry me” with her unfortunate list of “chesronos ” yet I’ve watched her be the first one of her friends to get engaged. It is hard to say which challenge is greater: One after another of continuous unsuccessful dates; or months going by with no date at all. What is clear in either scenario is that no one will marry unless it’s the right time as has been determined by Hashem.
Create a free account to keep reading.
