True to Me

I got to travel the world and explore fascinating places. Through hard spiritual and emotional work, I was able to accept my situation and created a life for myself that allowed me to be happy, healthy and whole during those challenging years of singlehood.

I won’t deny that some days were full of heartache, and I cried myself to sleep countless nights over dreams and hopes that weren’t fulfilled. It wasn’t easy to balance the supreme joy of a sibling’s happy occasion while simultaneously feeling the pain of not having that same thing for myself. It was hard to watch my siblings and friends get married, have kids, make brissim, upsherins, bar mitzvahs, and weddings, while I was the lonely guest, the one showing up noticeably, conspicuously, painfully on my own.

I was what could be called a “good dater.” I was fairly easy-going, friendly, and non-judgmental. I gave everyone a chance, listened to shadchanim when they said try one more time, dated guys who were perhaps suitable, though I was certain they weren’t, and spoke to professionals, a rebbetzin, and dating mentors to make sure I was making sound decisions.

But I was living in a world where everyone wanted me to be happy, which meant they wanted to see me married. With my best interests at heart, they offered advice, guidance, and constructive feedback. They were motivated by good intentions, but often contradicted my mentors.