My parents never had the greatest marriage and now that they’re aging things are getting progressively worse. I am often at the receiving end of their gripes about each other and I’m never quite sure how to respond.
I tend to sympathize with my father’s complaints about my mother which are usually well-founded (“She yells at me” or “She criticizes me publicly”) and I tend to find my mother’s complaints ridiculous (“He always buys the wrong brand of coffee ” or “He leaves his newspapers open on the couch all the time”). But both my parents are equally bitter in their complaints and I don’t know how to answer them in a way that is respectful to both parents yet also helpful.
There is no chance that they would discuss their issues with anyone outside our immediate family so that’s not an option. Should I empathize with the suffering parent? Come to the defense of the parent being complained about? Change the subject? And should my reaction depend on whether the complaint is valid?
Rabbi Zev Leff
If you can impress upon your parents that it is not in their best interests nor in yours to be involved in their marital problems that would be ideal.
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