“Yosef said… ‘I am Yosef. Is my father still alive?’ His brothers were so startled they could not respond” (Bereishis 45:3).
Chazal say: Rabbi Shimon ben Elazar says: “Woe is to us from the Day of Judgment and woe is to us from the Day of Rebuke. Yosef was the smallest of the shvatim and the brothers couldn’t answer him because they were afraid of him. When Hashem will come and give each person mussar according to his actions how much more so.”
However Yosef didn’t give them mussar at all! He only said “I am Yosef.” From here we learn the essence of mussar. Mussar is not harsh words of reprimand. Rather it’s the position of proving to a person that he made a mistake.
When Yosef said “I am Yosef” he was telling them: “I am your younger brother Yosef who you sold as a slave; here I am as a ruler over all of Mitzrayim. You thought to nullify my dreams by selling me. Yet the selling itself brought my dreams to fruition.” And this proved their error.
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