Walking Mom — and Dad — Home

Afew years ago, the casual observer passing by Shifra Stein’s* house would have noticed two cars in the driveway, children’s bikes propped up near the garage, a stroller, and two wheelchairs — in other words, transportation for every age and stage.

Welcome to the world of the “sandwich generation,” in which middle-aged couples find themselves simultaneously raising young children, marrying off the oldest ones, and caring for declining parents. In the Orthodox world, says Harriet Blank, the director of OHEL geriatric services, our sandwiches are especially thick.

“They’re triple-decker,” she says. “It’s common to find parents in their eighties or nineties cared for by children in their sixties who have children and grandchildren they may also be helping.”

Jews have an old saying that a mother can take care of ten children, but ten children can’t take care of one mother. While caregiving was surely challenging in earlier times, today it’s all the more complex. Adult children find themselves navigating unknown medical territory, dealing with home care aides, and wading through a morass of insurance, legal, and government paperwork. They might be waking up with babies and then waking up for late-night parent emergencies.