When you purchase something at the store and don’t pay for it immediately you owe the store money. When someone does an act of kindness for you you owe them gratitude — whether or not they demand it. In other words you owe somebody something to the extent that they have given to or done something for you; you are indebted to them. The dictionary defines the word “owing” in two ways: “to be under obligation to pay or repay” and “to be indebted (to) as the cause or source of a benefit.”
Who Owes Who What
Now that we understand our terms let’s discuss who owes who what in family life. We’ll begin with the obvious. A parent raises a child caring for the youngster’s physical and emotional needs twenty-four hours a day for years on end. The parent feeds and clothes the child provides various kinds of formal and informal education provides stimulation entertainment and pleasurable activities transports the child here and there pays for every necessity and luxury that he or she can afford and in short nurtures and supports the child’s growth and development in every imaginable way. The parent has been the “cause or source of benefit” as described above and therefore the child is indebted to (owes) the parent. In fact Rabbi Reiss of Toronoto’s Mesivta Gedolah gave a talk a few years back in which he quoted the Gemara as saying that a child owes a parent so much for helping him to survive the first two years of life alone that he can never adequately pay the parent back!
But here’s the question: What does the parent owe the child?
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