You’re a Gem

Lazer was a British bochur who was allegedly learning in yeshivah, but spent most of his days sleeping and watching TV. He had an abusive childhood at the hands of a vicious father and was struggling to find his way out of the negative self-image that was defining and sabotaging his life. PART III

Lazer had been in treatment for about a year and I was grateful for the progress we’d made, honored to have been a part of his recovery journey.  The combination of antidepressant treatment and psychotherapy had done wonders for him — he was overcoming his painful past and was living a very meaningful life in the present, having finished up an amazing zeman of learning in the Mir by surrounding himself with good chavrusas, dedicated rabbanim, and positive friendships. He was finally soaring toward his potential without the heavy weights of his traumatic childhood to pull him down.

And then came the frantic phone call.

His father had come to visit.

Now, while there are sometimes parent-child relationships  so toxic that they must be severed, relationships are rarely all good or all bad. Even the most abusive parents can sometimes be loving, which can be extremely confusing for the child, even an adult child like Lazer. And of course, we Jews have a commandment to honor our parents unconditionally.

“Dr. Freedman, I feel like I’m facing a ticking time bomb, and that every tool we learned and practiced is out the window,” Lazer said in a panic. “So far my dad’s been pretty nice, happy that I have good learning sedorim, but I just know it’s a matter of time until he explodes with a barrage of criticism or worse.”