You’re Not His Mashgiach

Dina describes a recurring fight that happens every time Yechiel stays up late working. Inevitably he misses minyan the next morning, but when Dina suggests that he go to sleep early, he responds irately and insists that he will be able to get up on time. In reality, he rarely does. Instead, he hits snooze until he misses the latest minyan, davens quickly at home, and rushes off to work.

I can see that Dina is genuinely devastated by what she perceives as her husband losing his grip on his ruchniyus. This isn’t what she dreamed of when she so idealistically married a learning boy and zoomed through her college courses so that she could support him in kollel and take on her role as his eizer k’negdo.

Dina isn’t the only young wife dealing with this issue. At least once a week, I gently tell a client, “You are not your husband’s mashgiach.”

I can’t help but empathize with Dina. She wants her home to be a Torah-oriented place filled with ruchniyus. She has sacrificed and worked hard to achieve this goal. Now, she looks on helplessly as he seems to be heading away from their previous ideal. Is there a path forward for her and all the other women in a similar situation?