Some are fundamental, some are frivolous. Some are nostalgic, some are painful. Some are big, some are small. But asking these questions makes all the difference
Dina Schoonmaker
Chazal tell us that 40 days before a person’s conception, a bas kol proclaims, “Bas ploni l’ploni.” However, as none of us have access to that information, the very question, “Did I marry my bashert?” is irrelevant. I’d venture to say that the question itself comes from the yetzer hara!
Hashem wants us to invest fully in our relationships. When someone says that she may not have married her bashert, she is in essence saying that she messed up the Divine Plan. Does she think that Hashem had to reshuffle all of the plonis in Shamayim to accommodate her “mistake”?
While there are many mystical nuances to the concept of bashert, I’m deliberately not relating to them here. Many years ago, I consulted with a very choshuv rav about a genre of books on this topic. The rav told me that while the authors mean well, books like this should preferably not be read, and definitely not applied when making a decision about marriage.
So, what should our approach be?
We bless a young couple that they should be zocheh to build a bayis ne’eman b’Yisrael. The word ne’eman shares a root with emunah. We bless them that they have a solid foundation of emunah, believing that they married the only person in the world destined for them.
Create a free account to keep reading.
