I read with interest Sarah Chana Radcliffe’s article on how to deal with a spouse who neglects his responsibilities. I’m not a marriage expert, but something felt off to me about telling your spouse that there will be consequences — such as your being upset or not having time to make supper — if he doesn’t fulfill his responsibilities.
What’s wrong with not doing the job for him and just letting the natural consequences play out, instead of putting your relationship on the line? For example, if your husband is in charge of the electric bills and he doesn’t pay them, eventually you’ll get a shutoff notice. That should shake him up and get him to pay the bill.
Mrs. Radcliffe noted that she was talking about people who don’t have emotional or mental issues — people who eventually will naturally become nervous if their insurance or bills aren’t being taken care of. Perhaps they just were never trusted with responsibility or babied too much at home. Wouldn’t showing our trust and support in our spouses’ abilities, despite mistakes they might make, have greater impact than taking over their responsibilities and showing disdain and resentment?
Or perhaps instead of threatening, you could gently ask, “Is there a reason why you’re having a hard time paying the bills or doing the dishes?” You might be surprised to discover the answer has nothing to do with your spouse being irresponsible.
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