What happens when your spouse lives with anxiety — the type that can sometimes feel crippling to both of you?
Abby Delouya B.A., B.Ed., RMFT-CCC
Before getting married, kallahs have starry-eyed dreams about all the ways they’ll enjoy supporting their husbands. “It will be so fun to prepare us breakfast in the morning, or to write a little note to leave in his lunch bag…” What happens, though, when supporting your spouse isn’t nearly as easy as flipping some pancakes? What happens when your spouse lives with anxiety — the type that can sometimes feel crippling to both of you?
Anxiety disorders are common — approximately a third of people will experience some symptoms of anxiety throughout the course of their lifetime. Anxiety disorders or severe symptoms of anxiety are the most distressing for the people experiencing them. However, watching a loved one live with anxiety can leave a spouse feeling pained and powerless. There are two areas that need attending to: supporting your spouse and supporting yourself.
1. Learn the signs: anxiety involves persistent worry, but shows up in a variety of physical symptoms; there may be trouble sleeping, stomach issues, pain, panic, existential concerns, and phobias. Learn about how anxiety shows up for your spouse so you can be better informed and prepared.
2. Communicate: Ask your spouse what would make him feel supported. Ask what he does and doesn’t feel comfortable with — talking about his fears may be helpful, but over-talking may exacerbate them.
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