If we want our children to turn to us when in trouble, we need to create an accepting environment
“And remember: If anyone ever makes you feel uncomfortable, tell us about it. You can always speak to us.” With these words, many parents think their job is done. If only it were that simple.
“There’s no way I could tell my parents what was happening. I knew it was my fault. I was where I should never have been. I knew how angry they’d be.”
This child has experienced criticism, rebuke and punishment whenever she did what she was explicitly told not to do. So, from her point of view, why would this time be an exception?
In her child’s brain, things are black and white. She’s right or wrong, good or bad, up for reward or down for punishment. She’s afraid of what will happen when she confesses that she didn’t follow her parents’ directives — when she took that shortcut home, accepted that candy from that adult (again and again), hung out with those girls her parents told her to avoid. She’s terrified her parents will be furious with her.
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