When we favor our phone over friends and family, it sends a message of rejection
But Mom feels it, too. At the end of the day when she finally has a few minutes to chat with her husband — a precious few minutes that she’s been waiting for all day — she, too, gets rejected in favor of the phone. He just has to check this and that — he’ll be with her soon. He’s “working” — but is he? He seems to be chuckling. He looks fascinated, interested, enthralled — not with her, mind you.
Everyone feels it. The person sitting next to you at the simchah is bored. The evening moves ever so slowly. It’s a great time for her to get caught up with the day’s messages and emails. Scroll, scroll, scroll. Now time is flying; she’s smiling, looking relaxed and like she’s enjoying herself. Not with you, of course. With her phone. You weren’t nearly as interesting. She’s making that very clear as she acts like you don’t even exist, holding her device with one hand, flicking the screen with the other.
You also use that phone. It’s annoying the way your husband is always asking you to put that thing away when the two of you are together. What does he expect? He’s driving, not saying much. You need to respond to that message and you’ve been busy all day — why can’t you just type while he’s getting the two of you to your destination? It’s a long drive. Does he feel rejected? That’s so immature. You’ve already discussed the day’s events. Married people don’t have endless things to say. The phone does, though! You don’t want to sit in silence just so he doesn’t feel rejected. And anyway, you’re not rejecting him. He’s so paranoid.
Yes! Here is why:
When a person is with you physically, but is on their phone, they’re engaging in a range of nonverbal and behavioral signals that the human brain interprets as social exclusion. For example, there is:
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