Q 

I have three girls in a row, aged 10, 13, and 15. When they were younger, I used to dress them in matching clothes. Now the older two are getting bigger and need more mature-looking clothes.

The youngest of the three is very upset about this, as the new clothing either don’t come in her size or are inappropriate for her age. She feels she’s being pushed out. She’s so upset about all of this that she doesn’t want to wear her old clothes that still fit her but don’t match her sisters.

As a short-term solution, I could buy her something new just for her. That might make her happy in the moment, but how do I teach her to be happy despite what her sisters (or anyone else) has? This applies not only to clothing differences, but also to differences in age-related privileges. How do I meet everyone’s changing needs in a way that feels fair — especially to the youngest one who feels left out?

A

You raise some very thought-provoking questions! How do parents give each of their children what they need without provoking jealousy in the others? How do families deal with different developmental needs? These questions are related but not the same. Let’s look at the latter one first.