My son is 23 and just starting to date. Baruch Hashem we have a nice stack of resumes and have started looking into some names. My sister-in-law recently suggested a girl from out of town insisting that she’s really special. I don’t mean to be narrow-minded but is there anything wrong with not wanting to consider out-of-town suggestions when baruch Hashem we have many in-town names? Everything about it seems so complicated from the dating to the wedding to where the couple would live. And to be honest the resumes all sound pretty similar so what would I gain?
Keeping It Close to Home
Dear Close
Ah the old “out-of-town” dilemma. To date them or not to date them… that is the question. You raise several valid points; let’s look at them first.
When embarking upon any venture it’s wise to do a cost-benefit analysis: What do I stand to gain relative to what I have to invest? This is the most basic formula employed in any decision making. There are a number of costs here and I believe you’re asking if they’re necessary.
The first and most obvious cost is well the cost. Dating an out-of-towner can be expensive. Unfortunately in today’s world a man is no longer required to go out and look for a wife as prescribed by Chazal. (Don’t get me started on that.) Save the rare boy who’s willing to honor that role most boys expect that the girl will come to meet them for the first round of dating. To offset that initial outlay of effort on her part it’s generally expected that the two will go out at least twice “to give things a chance.” So we’re starting with a minimum of two dates.
