The system of tying “sitting next to Mommy or Tatty” to “serving and clearing up for Mommy and Tatty” taught my children that privilege is tied to responsibility, and while fighting over the right to the best seat didn’t go away entirely, it was dramatically reduced
When you’re not quite old enough to cross all the streets on your own informing a grown-up that you’re In Charge of them is irresistible
T wo children were great three children were more than a handful — literally. If I held one child’s hand in each of mine there was still someone left out. This turned into a similar problem on Shabbos: Who’s going to sit next to Mommy and Tatty? Someone was always left out and since I couldn’t write anything down the claims that “I didn’t sit there last week ” grew louder and louder.
Make a list I was advised. Sure we have a list. Lots of lists. Whose turn it is who traded a turn for permission to play with a toy who fell asleep during their turn so it doesn’t count. Which list is most recent and which important trades were left off the list? The list of excuses and complaints grew longer than any list of who sat where and when.
Finally I decided to solve one problem with another problem at the Shabbos table. As my family grew it just took too long for one person to haul everything from the kitchen counter to the dining room table and then back out again at the end of each course. My neighbors a young couple with one toddler once left their curtains open on a spring Shabbos. I couldn’t help notice that the young wife served the gefilte fish they ate and she cleared — all in the time it took for me to bring out all of the fish dishes and dips and sit down. They finished their chicken soup before I finished clearing the fish.
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