“Kibbud av v’eim, as my rav states, is a mitzvah we are obligated to do when parents act like parents”
To the letter writer of “Disposable Parents,” who questioned the decision of children to cut off ties with their parents, I’d like to share a perspective from the other side of the table, if I may.
I am an adult child who has temporarily detached from a parent in order to heal. I repeat — to heal, not in order to get even with, hurt, or cancel her because of inconvenience.
Growing up in an environment of trauma is not for the faint of heart. My relationship with my parents was, shall we say, rather complicated. I’m married for a number of years now, but was in essence married to my mother. My world revolved around her and my desperate need for her approval (of which I got none). Every interaction was laced in fear, and my general wellbeing severely compromised. Dissociation was the only way to survive it.
Creating boundaries is easier said than done. For five years I’d been trying to do just that. Every interaction unraveled my equilibrium. Unfortunately, my spouse and children bore the brunt of it all. It took months of working with a 12-step sponsor and working my program to see things for what they were. Temporarily disconnecting was obviously not the first choice.
Create a free account to keep reading.
