When you do need to speak with an ex, what steps can you take to defuse tense conversations and circumvent old triggers?
Abby Delouya RMFT-CCC, CPTT
Communication is difficult enough when it’s between two loving, committed spouses who share the same goals and values. Couples divorce for many painful reasons, and rocky communication was usually an issue in the marriage.
There could be a lot of pain between ex-spouses, and therefore many trigger responses to certain tones, phrases, or expectations. Yet, most ex-couples do need to communicate about the most important people in their lives — their shared children — and sometimes about other shared responsibilities (businesses, property, etc.).
The most crucial rule for any divorced couple is to never triangulate or involve the children in any way that makes the child feel like she or he has to choose a side. Giving details about the marital conflict or making a child feel like she or he has to comfort their parent(s) is, at its most extreme, a form of emotional abuse, and at best makes the child feel resentful and/or insecure.
When you do need to speak with an ex, what steps can you take to defuse tense conversations and circumvent old triggers?
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