“Who Are the Objects of Limerence?”

Q:

There have been numerous letters published educating and validating the plight of those suffering from limerence [a state of infatuation or obsession with another person that involves all-consuming emotion and intrusive thoughts]. Well done. Little has been said, though, about the group of people who become the “Limerent Object” (LO).

As a member of this group, I want to point out that we are not weak, naive, or easily manipulated individuals. On the contrary, we’re healthy, educated, and confident. There must be something inherently within us that attracts others, making us a target of unhealthy and sometimes overwhelming attention.

Can you please address “us on the other side,” explaining the dynamics of how we become objects, and offer us some practical skills to implement so that we do not become the “Velcro” to someone’s unhealthy attachment?

A:

There are certainly some actions we can take that can help us not become the object of anyone’s unwanted attention, and we’ll examine them below. Having said that, it’s important to note that no one is the cause of someone else’s obsessive mental process. That comes from the person’s own genetic and environmental history.