The Rhythm of Repentance 

“Selach lanu — forgive us,” we daven, but for many of us, our minds are still back in the swimming pool. After a few days, perhaps, our souls catch up to our bodies, and we start to feel the weight of Tishrei approaching. We push ourselves to continue waking up early in the morning for Selichos, and we start looking forward rather than back — Rosh Hashanah is coming, and with it, judgment for the new year.

“Mechal lanu — pardon us,” we say, and we feel it this time, the heaviness of the impending Yom Hadin. Yet at the same time we’re full of hustle and bustle, honey cakes, new fruits, school projects, and simanim. We daven and we stand in awe of the shofar’s call: Teshuvah! Return! But we’re also wondering if the baal tokeia will make it through without an error, and will the davening be finished before two, and what will the weather be like for Tashlich?

Now the Aseres Yemei Teshuvah are upon us. There’s a warm-up fast a week before Yom Kippur, and the Selichos start to get longer — this isn’t practice anymore, this may be the real thing.

Erev Yom Kippur is fast and slow. A sense of apprehension and unease permeates everything. A swinging chicken signifying the life-and-death nature of our daily choices only cements the dreamlike nature of the day. With mikveh and a major feast right before a major fast, the whole day feels somewhat surreal.