A Working Model for Paid Shadchanim

Several years ago, when my oldest children started shidduchim, I noticed right away that shadchanim are quite hard to reach. I’d leave a message; they wouldn’t call back. I’d try again. And again.

It wasn’t that they were ignoring me. When I went to meet them in person, the reason was evident — their phones are ringing off the hook. People call shadchanim nonstop, and these dedicated people can barely catch their breath trying to keep up with the calls.

The recent article about shadchanim (“Playing with Matches,” Issue #931) brought to light one important but often-overlooked aspect of their job: Our shadchanim are working around the clock, and most of it is pro bono. Think for a moment about how many hours of effort are invested before a couple even goes out. The shadchan meets the boy or girl, speaks to the parents, combs through a database, makes calls back and forth… And then, if it doesn’t work out — which, statistically speaking, it usually doesn’t — all they get for their efforts is a thank-you.

Yes, our shadchanim are doing this because they’re driven to help Klal Yisrael. But how long can anyone keep up such a demanding schedule for almost no monetary compensation before they burn out? Furthermore, the way our system is set up now, with shadchanim getting paid only when a shidduch is successful, it’s in a shadchan’s best interest to work harder for wealthy girls.