How to Train Your Husband Not to Buy You Jewelry

REACHING THE LIMIT It was Chol Hamoed Pesach our first as a married couple. I was the only daughter-in-law and was feeling a little lost. Especially since my husband was learning a long first seder. I’m all for his learning and everything. But Chol Hamoed? During shanah rishonah? The first Pesach at the in-laws’? My idealism has its limits apparently

Y ou like this necklace? Thanks. I got it from my husband the first Pesach we were married. Long story.

I don’t have much jewelry which is fine because I hardly ever wear jewelry. I must have some undiagnosed sensory issue that makes wearing jewelry a nuisance for me. Other things are a nuisance as well such as wearing shoes. But in second grade when my teacher picked up my shoes from under my desk in the middle of class and I had to ask for them back before going out to recess I learned that wearing shoes is nonnegotiable.

Some people should not wear jewelry ever. Namely people who cannot leave it alone. When I got engaged I wore my kallah bracelet to the school I taught in every day. I needed to prove to myself that my chassan was real and not part of an elaborate daydream. But on day three I was playing with my bracelet and swinging it around while teaching Chumash — until it went sailing across the classroom. The kids had a field day jumping out of their seats and running to look for it behind the bookcase and I learned my lesson: Jewelry is not for me.