“Assign me with a Day of Defiance — so I can publicly, proudly buck the intimidating silliness. Perhaps I’ll be a voice of reason”
This serial about four single young women’s experiences is both realistic and frightening, and also deeply important. The description of Ari’s behavior touched a deep chord inside me, as his words and behavior patterns are eerily familiar to those of my ex-husband. I, too, heard stories of his kindness and greatness, how he’d stop his life to do every kind of chesed for others, and raise enormous amounts of money for tzedakah.
Behind closed doors, away from the public recognition his actions brought, he was utterly the opposite. I’d like to name the frightening and convincing manner of assuring another person that their memories are entirely incorrect: Gaslighting.
Being gaslighted is a terrifying and confusing experience, making people doubt themselves, their perceptions of reality, and even their sanity, when faced with a strong, indignant, and powerful voice assuring them that they remembered wrongly. The “gaslighter” gets away with harsh and coercive language and behavior, time and time again.
Thank you, Family First, for your courage in presenting this kind of behavior; it can be nuanced, confusing, and hard to spot. For young women on the dating scene, know that your gut feeling is usually correct. Feeling uncomfortable or confused, or being made to doubt your memories of reality, is a definite red flag.
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