Yom Kippur: Locked In Together

“Hear Yisrael, Hashem is our G-d, Hashem is One.” (Tefillas Ne’ilah, Yom Kippur)

The word Ne’ilah means closure, as it’s the time right before the closing of Heaven’s gates, our last opportunity to ask for what we need, to repent, to seal ourselves in the Book of Life.

Yet why is the prayer called Ne’ilah, closure, when it’s the final prayer before Heaven’s gates close? (Rabbi YY Jacobson, TheYeshiva.net)

As a girl, I spent the Yamim Noraim in Yeshivas Ner Yisrael, which culminated in the crescendo of Ne’ilah, with Rav Sheftel Neuberger’s powerful voice saying Shema Yisrael, and the roar of voices as we all joined. My body and soul would sprout wings; with each step of Hashem Hu HaElokim, I felt myself move higher and higher. It was a powerful way to begin the new year.

But when I became a mother, Yom Kippur and Ne’ilah became a different ball game. Instead of feeling elevated, I was exhausted and certainly not spiritual as I tried to keep the kids occupied during those last hours of the fast.

I’d say a quick Ne’ilah in my bedroom, hoping for some uninterrupted davening time, but instead of reaching upward, I sensed the gates had long been closed in my face. With each Hashem Hu HaElokim, I felt myself begging yet slipping farther and farther away from Him. Even while knowing this situation was my tafkid right then as a mother, I still felt dejected.

The Lubavitcher Rebbe, in 1963, shared a new insight into Ne’ilah. During Ne’ilah, the gates of Heaven are closed already, but — with you inside. During Ne’ilah, you’re alone with Hashem.