Out of the Box

Facilitated by Faigy Peritzman

Q:

I’ve always been an out-of-the-box person. I enjoy dressing in bold colors with zany jewelry, and have little patience with what I call social “silliness.” I grew up in a small community and when I graduated I got certification to be a medical clown, which I love. Baruch Hashem, I recently got married to a man who appreciates me. We moved to a larger community and here’s where the issues seem to begin. It feels like everyone dresses the same and has the same “type” of job (my mother-in-law actually thought my job was a hobby and was appalled I would continue it after marriage.) I even got gentle mussar from another young married in my apartment complex who said that even if I didn’t care to be so different, my future children may, and it’s worth it for me to conform to social norms.

I’m feeling so conflicted. Why can’t I be who I am? Is this my problem or society’s?

What’s the Price?

by Ruchi Koval

The short answer to this question is: It’s your problem if you let it be your problem.

The truth is that every choice we make in life has a price tag. Sometimes that price tag will be worth paying, and sometimes it won’t. The sad reality is that in our communities, there sometimes is, indeed, a price to be paid for individuality.

Some people may be wary of you and your family, and some parents might not want their kids to play at your house. Shidduchim, that scary ghost that exacerbates any preexisting fears about conformity, may indeed be affected by nonconformity.

That’s all true and that’s okay. Because there is also a price to be paid for not expressing your individuality. What is that price? Is it worth paying? Will you feel like a piece of your essential self is in hiding? Will you deprive yourself of experiences that you love? That can take a real toll on someone who thrives on the whole cornucopia of experiences Hashem has given us to enjoy in this world. To me, conformity for you sounds like it will come at a heavy price.