How can I stop worrying I’m going to fail at my new job?
We humans love to worry. When we feel helpless to control an outcome, our worry-habit kicks in to “hold the space.” To understand what I mean by this, picture a void, an open pit in the center of your brain. This is the location for, “I don’t know what’s going to happen.” It’s cold and dark in that hole. Now, picture shoveling in some “worry” to fill that hole up with thoughts like, “What will happen if this goes wrong? Can I do it or am I going to mess it up? If this goes badly, I won’t be able to cope!” We feel as if by adding to and constantly stirring this pot of endless wondering, we have somehow better “subdued” the uncertain situation. Which, of course, we haven’t.
The habit of trying to fix the discomfort this way is self-reinforcing: By spending so much time thinking (a.k.a. worrying), we end up spending far less time feeling the real pain of the situation. The brain — ever pain avoidant — likes this strategy and gets better and better at it, reaching an expertise that is eventually called “anxiety disorder” and/or “OCD.”
The only problem is that too much worrying and anxiety causes us to trip over our own feet. The thing we feared the most — in this case, messing up — becomes more likely to happen, if only because we no longer have the presence of mind to function well.
Therefore, the solution you yourself suggested — reverse psychology — is highly recommended. Give yourself permission to mess up. In fact, give yourself permission to mess up royally, so much so that you can imagine yourself getting fired from this job almost immediately. Think of this worst-case scenario, noting how unfortunate it is that you will have lost the money, the security, the respect, and all the other perks of the position.
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