“I didn’t just cover up my condition from the people in my life, but even from myself”
As a licensed mental health counselor who has worked extensively with young adults navigating dating and marriage, I’d like to comment on the line, “Too often, we hold on to the fantasy that marriage, like some magic wand, will change people’s core personality,” in the A Better You column “Marriage Means More” by Rachel Burnham.
While it’s true that marriage doesn’t magically change a person’s core personality, it’s also not accurate to assume that people never grow, mature, or evolve within the context of a committed relationship. In fact, I’ve seen many clients whose emotional tone and overall functioning improve after marriage — not because their personality changes overnight, but because the stability, love, and responsibility that come with giving to another person often invite growth.
Yes, someone who is consistently moody or withdrawn while dating may carry those traits into marriage. But I’ve also seen many cases where these traits softened with the security, love, and purpose marriage can provide. Human beings are complex and dynamic — not fixed characters in a script, and our environments, roles, and relationships all have the power to bring out different parts of us.
Shira Kalos-Manne
LMHC specializing in young adults
Miami Beach, FL
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