Stick the Pin. Make the Call.  

Project coordinated by Bashie Lisker

Everyone has a shidduch story… right? We decided to find out.

The challenge: find a local phone book. Stick a pin into it. Call one of the pierced phone numbers. Ask them for a shidduch story. Does everyone have a shidduch story?

Five intrepid writers test the bounds of social norms and find out.

MATCH!

Rachel Newton

You can blame my brain cells, dying by the millions during my second week of having kids home sick.

Lots of physical stimulation there (carpets of used tissues, Play-Doh balls stuck under table legs), but intellectual stimulation… less so. (Apart from essential questions like, “When someone lives to 120, do they pass away on the night of their 120th birthday, or the day before their 121st birthday?”)

So when an editor posted a writing challenge, it was the perfect distraction.

Writer sticks a pin in the phone book, calls the number the pin landed on, asks them for a shidduch story.

Everyone has a shidduch story! she claimed.

Ha.

Okay, so maybe this would distract the kids for some nanoseconds. Was I thinking this through? No, I was not. Am I the type to call up random people? No, I am not. And ask them for shidduch stories? What, am I crazy?

Yep.

Okay, Step One, choose a phone book.

Well, I wasn’t choosing the local phone book, which would land me a Hebrew speaker who’d never heard of Family First. I wasn’t choosing my community phone book because I would still like to make shidduchim for my kids, and I had a funny feeling this would put me on a blacklist.

So The Newcomer’s Guide (bible to all intrepid chutzniks) it would have to be.

I don’t have push pins. A sheitel pin was designated as a substitute. But sheitel pins are designed to lobotomize Styrofoam heads, not poke through glossy pages! Sticking one through a closed book will just get you the first page of ads.

So. Child One holds the phone number section and flips through, Child Two turns around and says stop. Child Two chooses left or right side, Child One squeezes eyes tightly shut and jabs. I turn the page over and see where the point landed. Very scientifically random.

Bingo, I have a number. GULP. I did not think this through.

FIRST ATTEMPT: The number you have called is not in use.

Phew.

The kids are delighted to perform the ceremony again.

SECOND ATTEMPT: There’s one cell phone number for a couple. And the wife’s name is definitely misspelled. What do I do if it’s the husband’s number? Deep breath, dial. The number you have called is no longer in service.

I’m really not enjoying this.

THIRD ATTEMPT: The number you have called is not is use.

Uhhhh. I’m using a verrry ancient Newcomer’s Guide! Am I going to find anyone like this?

FOURTH ATTEMPT: The phone RINGS. Someone ANSWERS. It’s a WOMAN! Yay. I’ve forgotten what I wanted to say. Oh, yes.

“Hi, my name is Rachel Newton and I write for Family First.”

“Who?”
 Repeats, “I’m wondering if you’d like to participate in a fun assignment.”

Mrs. Katzenellenbogen says she has not a single interesting shidduch story.

“We just made very standard shidduchim.”

No, she doesn’t know anyone who didn’t. I explain that it doesn’t have to be off-the-wall weird, just interesting. No.

Sigh.

FIFTH ATTEMPT: rings (small victory!), but no reply. At what point do I give up?