“It is crucial that we cultivate the kind of belonging that does not come with a price tag”
The entire discussion of people extending themselves financially and how people need to cut back, stop looking at others, live within their means, say no to their kids, etc., are dollar-store Band-Aids that fall off at the slightest friction.
When someone is told this, you’re essentially telling them they’re a loser. You’re cutting to their core identity, what it means to be successful in this world, telling them they haven’t made it, and they should stop pretending to. Why would anyone stop pretending if their identity was at stake?
The solution needs to go a lot deeper. Why are externals and materialism markers of success? What are our society’s values (not what we’re supposed to think, but what our actions reflect)? We live in a frum culture (culture is the key word. Don’t confuse culture with Torah and Yiddishkeit) that is infused, overtaken really, by Western values.
We need to go back to basics. Why did Hashem create the world? Why are we here? What is my individual role and tachlis? When someone can clearly articulate these answers for themselves (after much reflection and work), then a lot of societal pressure falls away.
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