Be open to another possibility and challenge yourself to look at things differently
The person who wasn’t invited to a friend’s simchah. Someone who had never been invited to a particular person’s home for a Shabbos meal. Someone who was on the receiving end of a nasty comment at a kiddush. An employee who was publicly called out by his employer at an important work meeting. Someone who was left out of a critical family decision. A talmid who suddenly stopped speaking to his rebbi. A mechutan who made a choice regarding the wedding without seeking input from the other side. And on and on.
Before I accepted my position as a rav, a prominent askan gave me a very important piece of advice: “You need to have thick skin and learn to allow people’s comments and opinions to roll off your back. If you take the comments too seriously, you won’t make it.”
He was absolutely correct. In close to two decades as a rav, I’ve heard countless times, “Rabbi, I just have some constructive criticism to share with you.” I can now claim a fair share of experience in handling personal affronts. I would like to share three important perspectives on this topic that I have found to be effective in dealing with offensive actions and words.
The first approach is to consider the alternative and be prepared to look at a painful situation differently, even when it seems so patently clear that the other party is wrong.
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