Only Apologizing When I Mean It

Hello, my name is Sandwich Generation. I became a grandmother last month! For the full experience, my daughter is recuperating in our home with her newborn, and we even get to make a pidyon haben. For two interesting weeks, we’re lucky enough to have four (!) generations under one not-very-large roof. Also, the kids are always bringing their friends to our house, not to mention that I’m part of four separate carpools.

Though born and bred in New York, I grew up in a home with lots of residual southern politeness — yes ma’ams and no sirs — so maybe that’s why I’m nice to a fault. My friends tell me I apologize for everything, and I guess it makes sense; with so much going on here, there are always going to be toes getting stepped on, both literally and figuratively.

Peacemaker that I am, I have no problem sacrificing my pride to take the blame in order to smooth over some tiff. I could be apologizing all day for things that aren’t my fault!

Still, I recognize that it’s not healthy to always be apologizing. For one thing, it lessens the impact of the words when they’re used for everything. Also, I don’t want to be burdened by assuming responsibility for things that are really not my problem. And besides, I don’t want my kids to internalize all that guilt.