My Son, The Rosh Yeshiva

Since he was little, I knew Yudi would have no shortage of shidduch suggestions when the time came. I know I’m his mother, but you can believe me when I tell you that Yudi has this unusual combination of charisma and intensity. Some people snort when mothers say “this one is a future rosh yeshivah,” but if you’d have seen Yudi as a 10-year-old, explaining the Gemara to his friends, or as bar mitzvah boy delivering his pshtel with aplomb, you might have said it, too.

I’m not surprised that Yudi’s close with Rabbi Scheinfeld; he’s always had this penchant for seeking out and attaching himself to greatness — first in high school, then in beis medrash, and now in Israel. When we talk every week, he fills me in about their private chavrusashaft or the Shabbos meals he eats there, and I’m sure he feels my pride over the phone line.

But I never dreamed Rabbi Scheinfeld would redt a shidduch for my Yudi. Maybe that’s why I can’t say an automatic no. I mean, how could a maggid shiur living in a tiny apartment in Yerushalayim know what my Yudi really needs? He only sees Yudi the masmid, Yudi the blossoming talmid chacham. He doesn’t know where Yudi comes from. He doesn’t have the most basic understanding of our family, our lifestyle and our values. Not that we don’t value the same limud Torah Rabbi Scheinfeld values. We know where Yudi’s talents lie, and we want him to shine. But that’s exactly why this shidduch is so wrong.

I have no doubt this Malka Rosenthal is a wonderful girl with beautiful middos and a good upbringing. But I’m also pretty sure her parents — who moved to Israel when she was 10 — are very, very different from us. She may check out on paper, but there’s no way we can gauge all those elusive qualities that make a girl suited to a boy. Is this the kind of girl I’ll be proud to bring to shul with me? Will she understand how things are done, how things should look, how important nourishing meals are for a budding talmid chacham? I imagine that living in Israel, with many siblings and a small apartment, it will be very difficult for her to intuit Yudi’s standards.