What is my place in this society, as a single mother of girls? Do I have a portion in kabbalas haTorah if no one in my home is there in shul Shavuos night?
My first Yom Tov married! Nesanel and I decided to stay home so he could learn in yeshivah at night. I made my first roast ever — followed the cookbook instructions to the letter, because Mommy’s were too vague. Also cabbage kugel, three salads, creamy baked fish, and chocolate cheesecake. I managed to bentsch licht on time, but don’t ask what the kitchen looked like. I must have used every single mixing bowl and spoon I own, both milchig and fleishig.
Nesanel couldn’t get over my improvised sweet-potato appetizer (I didn’t have time for the mushroom turnovers I was planning). After the first course, Nesanel sat back in one of the ugly chairs that came with this furnished apartment and taught me a song. It’s one they sing in yeshivah Shavuos night. “Kad Yasvin Yisroel.” The words describe how when Hashem sees Klal Yisrael learning Torah He calls to the Heavenly army and says, “Look at My beloved children.” The melody is so haunting, and I get the chills just humming it as I clean up after Havdalah.
It’s amazing how all my seminary dreams have come true. I’m living in Eretz Yisrael, married to a real ben Torah, and my working and cooking (even without the mushroom turnovers) give me a share in Nesanel’s learning. It feels surreal, yet so right.
The baby’s finally asleep so I can start tackling the Yom Tov mess: dishes piled high in the sink and a kitchen floor that desperately needs a good mopping.
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