Keep My Son at Home… or Move Him to a Group Home?   

I’m at a crossroads in my life and feel very trapped. I’m the mother of a large family, and my middle child, Refael, has special needs. He’s high functioning, but over the years, we’ve weathered a lot of ups and downs.

As Refael nears adulthood, I’ve been advised by many professionals involved in his care to consider a residential apartment geared for his needs. In such a setting, close to home, yet far enough that he can learn to be independent, he’ll learn skills like meal preparation, grocery shopping, laundry — tasks that I can’t manage to teach him with my busy schedule at home.

But I’m so torn about this decision. While I know that obviously other kids grow and fly the coop, Refael will not be leaving to establish his own family. Doesn’t he deserve to stay with family that loves him?

He may initially be excited to be part of a group, but won’t he lose out on the daily gestures of love that come along with living with a warm supportive family? Do I prioritize being a good mother to the rest of my kids, or a mother to Refael who needs me more than the rest?